Life’s Weirder Than Fiction

I’ve been rereading Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal and giggling all the way. I love Christopher Moore — I’ve read pretty much everything he’s written– but the following extract is such a perfect example of why I love his writing: it’s erudite, funny, irreverent:

“It’s form the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.”
“Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.”
“There you go, you got it.”
“Got what?”
“Sarcasm.”
“No, I meant it.”
“Sure you did.”
“Is that sarcasm?”
“Irony, I think.”
“What’s the difference?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“So you’re being ironic now, right?”
“No, I really don’t know.”
“Maybe you should ask the idiot.”
“Now you’ve got it.”
“What?”
“Sarcasm.”

Tags: Christopher Moore, Humour, sarcasm, Writing

As much as I love him, I think my husband has the heart of an engineer. Or is it just that he’s a guy?

You might be an engineer if …
1) choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
2) you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
3) in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
4) the sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions.
5) at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
6) you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
7) you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
8 ) you can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
9) you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
10) you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
11) you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
12) you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
13) you know what “http://” stands for.
14) you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids’ toys together.
15) you see a good design and still have to change it.
16) you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
17) you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
18) you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
19) you window shop at Radio Shack
20) your laptop computer costs more than your car
21) your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
22) you’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
23) you’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.

Actually, I know what he does at work –although some parts are definitely murky– and I got extra memory for my computer for Christmas instead of the CD-Rom, but the rest pretty much fits. Fortunately, he hasn’t chosen to memorize Monty Python lines. Small mercies.

Lifted from Freaks, Geeks, and Engineers (The Other White Meat)

Tags: behavior, engineers, Humour, science

This is just for fun, as a way to say that I’m back on track. The resource usage has been solved (I’m pretty sure, anyway) and I’m jumping back on the blog wagon. I missed this blog. It’s a place where I can share with you the weird things out there that I’d never be able to include in my books ’cause they’re just too weird.

The short test –takes about 4 minutes– lets you know what you’ll be in the next life. Of course, you can totally skew it by not being honest, but the animal you’ll come back as may surprise you. Here’s the response I received when I answered honestly:

Your next life will be as… an Octopus!

Almost 45% of people will be reincarnated as a higher form of life than you.

You’re not perfect, but you’ve lead a better life than most. With a few changes now, your next life could be even better.

Here’s what I got when I tried to skew the results:

Your next life will be as… a Shark!

Almost 45% of people will be reincarnated as a higher form of life than you.

You’re not perfect, but you’ve lead a better life than most. With a few changes now, your next life could be even better.”

Now, who decided that a shark was better than and octopus? Where’s the scientific evidence?

You can find out who you’ll be by going to the The Reincarnation Station

Tags: animals, Humour, quiz, reincarnation