Life’s Weirder Than Fiction

I’ve been rereading Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal and giggling all the way. I love Christopher Moore — I’ve read pretty much everything he’s written– but the following extract is such a perfect example of why I love his writing: it’s erudite, funny, irreverent:

“It’s form the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.”
“Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.”
“There you go, you got it.”
“Got what?”
“Sarcasm.”
“No, I meant it.”
“Sure you did.”
“Is that sarcasm?”
“Irony, I think.”
“What’s the difference?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“So you’re being ironic now, right?”
“No, I really don’t know.”
“Maybe you should ask the idiot.”
“Now you’ve got it.”
“What?”
“Sarcasm.”

Tags: Christopher Moore, Humour, sarcasm, Writing

The American Dialect Society (founded in 1889) voted “subprime“ as the word of the year for 2007.

Subprime is an adjective used to describe a risky or less than ideal loan, mortgage, or investment. Subprime was also winner of a brand-new 2007 category for real estate words, a category which reflects the preoccupation of the press and public for the past year with a deepening mortgage crisis.

Contrary to the Academie Française, the Dialect Society, comprised of lots of word people such as linguists, librarians, writers, and grammarians, do not judge whether a word should enter the English language. They simply note the appearance of a “new word” that is being used often and in different ways. For instance, a worker would say “I subprimed that project”, meaning that it came out less than best. Here are some other words the ADS felt were worthy of mention, with the number of votes for each word:

WORD OF THE YEAR

• WINNER subprime, an adjective used to describe a risky or lessthan ideal loan, mortgage, or investment. 79
• green- prefix/compounding form Designates environmental concern, as in greenwashing. 9
• surge an increase in troops in a war zone. 1
• Facebook all parts of speech. 11
• waterboarding an interrogation technique in which the subject is immobilized and doused withwater to simulate drowning. 1
• Googlegänger A person with your name who shows up when you google yourself. 7
• wide stance, to have a To be hypocritical or to express two conflicting points of view. When Senator Larry Craig was arrested in a public restroom and accused of making signals with hisfoot that police said meant he was in search of a anonymous sex, Craig said it was a misunderstanding and that he just had a wide stance when using the toilet. 2

MOST USEFUL

• WINNER green- prefix/compounding form Designates environmental concern, as in greenwashing. 43/59
• bacn Impersonal email such as alerts, newsletters, and automated reminders that are nearly as annoying as spam but which one has chosen to receive. 14
• celebu- prefix Indicates celebrity, as in celebutard. 13
• connectile dysfunction Inability to gain or maintain a connection. 5
• wrap rage Anger brought on by the frustration of trying to open a factory-sealed purchase. 39/55

MOST CREATIVE

• WINNER Googlegänger Person with your name who shows up when you google yourself. 84
• boom An instance of a military explosion in the phrases left of boom, which describes the US military’s efforts to root out insurgents before they do harm, and right of boom, which describes efforts to minimize attacks with better equipment, systems, and medical care. 1
• lolcat On the Internet, an odd or funny picture of a cat given a humorous and intentionally ungrammatical caption in large block letters. From LOL + cat. 20
• tapafication The tendency of restaurants to serve food in many small portions, similar to tapas. 4 ó

MOST UNNECESSARY

• WINNER Happy Kwanhanamas! [Kwanza + Hanukka + Christmas] Happy holidays! 63
• ruther Someone who espouses a conspiracy theory about the events of 9/11. 5
• vegansexual A person who eats no meat, uses no animal-derived goods, and who prefers not to ave sex with non-vegans. 35

MOST OUTRAGEOUS

• WINNER toe-tapper A homosexual. Senator Larry Craig was arrested in June for an encounterin a public restroom in which toe-tapping was said to have been used as a sexual come-on. 70
• nappy-headed ho An expression used on the Don Imus radio show, and repeated by the host,about the women’s basketball team at Rutgers University. 27
• make it rain To drop paper money on a crowd of people, especially in strip clubs, nightclubs, or casinos. 2

MOST EUPHEMISTIC

• WINNER human terrain team A group of social scientists employed by the US military toserve as cultural advisers in Iraq or Afghanistan. 60
• shmashmortion/smushmortion Abortion. 8
• va-j-j Also va-jay-jay or vajayjay The vagina. 30

MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED

• WINNER green- prefix/compounding form Designates environmental concern, as ingreenwashing. 70
• global weirding An increase in severe or unusual environmental activity often attributed toglobal warming. This includes freakish weather and new animal migration patterns. 3
• Super-Duper Tuesday Feb. 5th, the day 23 US states will hold primary elections. Also knownas Tsunami Tuesday. 1
• wide stance, to have a To be hypocritical or to express two conflicting points of view. WhenSenator Larry Craig was arrested in a public restroom and accused of making signals with hisfoot that police said meant he was in search of a anonymous sex, Craig said it was amisunderstanding and that he just had a wide stance when using the toilet. 13
• locavore someone who eats food that is grown or produced locally. Nominated by Dick Bailey.13
• texter a person who sends text messages. 5

LEAST LIKELY TO SUCCEED

• WINNER strand-in Protest duplicating being stranded inside an airplane on a delayed flight.31/74
• Billary/Hill-Bill Bill and Hillary Clinton. 1
• earmarxist A congressman or senator who adds earmarks–money designated for a particular person or group–to legislation. Coined by the blog Redstate to refer to Democrats. 32/2
• quadriboobage The appearance of having four breasts caused by wearing a brassiere that is too small. 40/19

NEW CATEGORY: REAL ESTATE/MORTGAGE/LOAN WORDS

• WINNER subprime Used to describe a risky or poorly documented loan or mortgage. 65
• exploding ARM An Adjustable Rate Mortgage whose rates soon rise beyond a borrowerís abilityto pay. 10
• liar’s loan/liar loan Money borrowed from a financial institution under false pretenses,especially in the form of a ìstated incomeî or ìno-docî loan which can permit a borrower toexaggerate income. 1
• NINJA No Income, No Job or Assets. A poorly documented loan made to a high-risk borrower.34
• scratch and dent loan A loan or mortgage that has become a risky debt investment, especially one secured with minimal documentation or made by a borrower who has missed payments. 2

Tags: 2007, American Dialect Society, new words, words

As much as I love him, I think my husband has the heart of an engineer. Or is it just that he’s a guy?

You might be an engineer if …
1) choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
2) you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
3) in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
4) the sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions.
5) at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
6) you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
7) you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
8 ) you can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
9) you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
10) you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
11) you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
12) you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
13) you know what “http://” stands for.
14) you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids’ toys together.
15) you see a good design and still have to change it.
16) you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
17) you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
18) you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
19) you window shop at Radio Shack
20) your laptop computer costs more than your car
21) your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
22) you’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
23) you’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.

Actually, I know what he does at work –although some parts are definitely murky– and I got extra memory for my computer for Christmas instead of the CD-Rom, but the rest pretty much fits. Fortunately, he hasn’t chosen to memorize Monty Python lines. Small mercies.

Lifted from Freaks, Geeks, and Engineers (The Other White Meat)

Tags: behavior, engineers, Humour, science

This is just for fun, as a way to say that I’m back on track. The resource usage has been solved (I’m pretty sure, anyway) and I’m jumping back on the blog wagon. I missed this blog. It’s a place where I can share with you the weird things out there that I’d never be able to include in my books ’cause they’re just too weird.

The short test –takes about 4 minutes– lets you know what you’ll be in the next life. Of course, you can totally skew it by not being honest, but the animal you’ll come back as may surprise you. Here’s the response I received when I answered honestly:

Your next life will be as… an Octopus!

Almost 45% of people will be reincarnated as a higher form of life than you.

You’re not perfect, but you’ve lead a better life than most. With a few changes now, your next life could be even better.

Here’s what I got when I tried to skew the results:

Your next life will be as… a Shark!

Almost 45% of people will be reincarnated as a higher form of life than you.

You’re not perfect, but you’ve lead a better life than most. With a few changes now, your next life could be even better.”

Now, who decided that a shark was better than and octopus? Where’s the scientific evidence?

You can find out who you’ll be by going to the The Reincarnation Station

Tags: animals, Humour, quiz, reincarnation

I found this image on the internet (unfortunately there was no attribution to it) and found it not only hilarious but very telling. I’ve read somewhere that there are really only seven plots in all litterature. This is a small confirmation of it.

I found the image at http://i.thefairest.info/funniest_thumbs/QaDdYu.jpeg