Life’s Weirder Than Fiction

Another difficult part of writing is using description. I’m not a fan of long descriptions, à la Tolkien or Tolstoy, taking pages and pages to painstakingly build the setting into which the protagonists with play, work, fight, love and die. I’m not a fan either of the minute description style used in romance novels, for example, to give a near photographic image of the protagonists in the story. I’ve always preferred using my imagination to see a character and identify with him or her.

So today we’re starting on description exercises. Again, I invite you to do the exercises yourself and post the result in the comments section. The first in the series of exercises on description is about what I just talked about: keeping it short.

The exercise: For each of a hot air balloon, a fashion show, a modern kitchen, and a gun, use a paragraph to describe the function of it. The descriptions can be totally biased, or of a journalistic or encyclopedic tone, but the purpose is to use as few words as possible to create a picture.

Then write a one- or two-sentence description that could fit into a story. Here are my feeble attempts. (Note: description is, for me, one of the hardest thing to do, so you’re also welcome to constructively critique my writing –no flaming, please).

A Hot Air Balloon

1. A hot air balloon is usually made of flexible pieces of material sewn together to make a bag two stories high. The top has the shape of a ball, while the bottom tapers into a funnel-like aperture. Over this pouch is cast a net, its ends attached to a wicker gondola large enough to hold people and a gas heater. The balloon soars upward by filling the pouch with a lighter-than-air gas such as helium. Since it has no propulsion system, it goes where the wind goes. To rise, the balloon is filled with more heated air; to go down, the hot air is released through a series of openings.

2. Ellen lifted her head when she heard a whooshing sound in time to see the hot air balloon, so low she could almost feel the flame of the gas heater on her face.

A Fashion Show

1. As long as women and men want to make a statement with clothes, others will use art and cloth to design them. In order to exhibit their creations, designers have invented the fashion show. People interested in viewing the new designs sit around three sides of a long elevated platform, called a runway. Models –and through the years increasingly tall, slender, almost androgynous men and women– walk toward the audience, showing off hats, skirts, dresses, shoes and often more bare skin than material to the blasting sound of music. They flit and flutter, in a type of walk that is almost like a dance. They stop at the edge of the platform, wait to be admired and photographed, turn around then walk back and disappear to be replaced by another creation, worn by another model.

2. Ellen took her assigned seat at the back of the room. Covering a fashion show was not her idea of influential journalism and she’d be damned if she’d enjoy watching a gaggle of anorexic cranes unhinge their hips while walking, pouting and looking like they couldn’t be bothered.

A Modern Kitchen

1. The modern kitchen is not complete without major appliances such as a refrigerator to keep food cool and fresh, a stove and oven to cook it, and a dishwasher to clean the dishes and pans the cook used to prepare it. Some, however, would say those are the basics, but not the only essential instruments for anyone who has to work in a kitchen. A microwave oven speeds up heating and cooking food. An electric can opener saves the wrist. Then there is the electric juicer for homemade juices, the waffle iron for those Sunday brunches, the deep-fryer for that serving of French fries with the burger, the coffee-maker –and espresso machine, for those morning lattes– a toaster oven to reheat that slice of pizza, a blender for those frozen daiquiries. In fact, if you can think of a mechanical way of doing something in the kitchen, it has probably already been invented.

2. Ellen looked around and sneered when she saw that Darrell had surrounded himself with all possible modern appliances, from electric juicer to waffle iron to walk-in freezer. They gleamed silver against the granite counters and the dark cupboard doors, so pristine she knew he’d never used any of them.

A gun

1. A gun is a metal weapon that shoots bullets or shells through a tube. The bullet is projected at great speed when a hammer hits it, thus igniting a charge of gunpowder. The hammer is moved by a trigger, a piece of metal pulled with the index finger. The explosion propels the bullet out of the tube.

2. Ellen froze when she saw Darrell pointing a gun at her, his eyes hard, his jaw set. She heard him cock the hammer and knew she was dead before he pulled the trigger.

I haven’t been writing “real” stuff for a while, being submerged into book tour and book launch and marketing and general chest-thumping. When I have a writing lull, I usually start again by doing exercises to retrain my brain. I’ve decided to share these exercises with you, and to challenge you to do the same –and share the results in the comments section. This time, I’m dealing with dialogue (or dialog, for those US writers).

Gloria Oliver has a great post on It’s a mad, mad world about gestures and body language as part of writing dialogue and what makes it effective. It got me to thinking what exactly is good dialogue, what works, and what doesn’t.

Dialogue must convey a message, must have punch to be interesting. If you transcribe word for word a dialogue you’ve had with, say, a friend, there are a lot of bits and pieces that become redundant and boring. Like this.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. Not bad. How about you? How are you?”

“I’m tired today. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the weather. I haven’t done much to be tired these days.”

“Yeah. It’s been really cold. Listen, are you going to the concert?”

“I don’t know, maybe. Not sure.”

This kind of dialogue could go on for a long time –pages– without giving you much information about the two people, and it reads somewhat disjunct and aimless. It’s flat.

Written dialogue is like perfume: it’s been concentrated from the original and you need a lot less to get the effect you want. Once you have that concentrate, then you can add tags (he said, he yelled, etc.) and body language.

Here’s a short dialogue that conveys a lot of story, emotions, and a glimpse of characterization, even though it has no tags or body language.

“T-shirts.”
“Embroidered t-shirts.”
“From the army to t-shirts.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Where’s your pride?”
“The war changes you.”
“I waited for you.”
“I know. I know.”
“Two years, Rob.”
“I know.”
“Sheila works at Bell, now.”
“I modified the van.”
“You know Steve is married?”
“I need six months, Jenny.”
“Selling t-shirts in your van.”
“I have a lot riding on this.”
“If it only made sense.”
“Remember Tucson, Jenny?”
“You wanted to marry me.”
“I did. I still do.”
“I bet.”
“What’s six months more?”
“Lots can happen.”
“That’s what I say.”
“I may meet someone else.”
“You believed in me in Tucson.”
“We’re in Tempe now.”

By simply reading the words, you know these two people are estranged –have been– not only by him being a soldier but by how it changed him, and that they may have a rocky road ahead. Now here’s the dialogue again, with tags and body language to make it richer:

“T-shirts.”
Rob grinned. “Embroidered t-shirts.”
“From the army to t-shirts.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Where’s your pride?”
Rob leaned against the fender of the van. His eyes, suddenly unfocused, looked at a place above her shoulder. “The war changes you,” he finally said.
“I waited for you.”
“I know. I know.”
“Two years, Rob.”
“I know.”
Jenny wanted to cry. She wouldn’t though. She knew how tears made him shut down, become completely unreasonable. “Sheila works at Bell, now.”
“I modified the van.”
“You know Steve is married?”
Rob shook his head. “I need six months, Jenny.”
“Selling t-shirts in your van.”
“I have a lot riding on this.”
“If it only made sense.”
He shrugged, didn’t say more. Jenny walked to the edge of the parking lot, looked out at the leisurely traffic of Main Street. She heard Rob’s steps behind her, then felt his hands on her shoulders. “Remember Tucson, Jenny?”
“You wanted to marry me.”
“I did. I still do.”
The laugh that came out of her mouth sounded bitter, even to her ears.“I bet.”
“What’s six months more?” he said, impatient, now.
“Lots can happen.”
“That’s what I say,” he said as he turned her to face him.
“I may meet someone else.”
“You believed in me in Tucson.”
She sighed, shook her head. “We’re in Tempe now.”

Exercise: Write a dialogue that contains no tags or body language. Each line must consist of only one sentence.

Game to try?

An (interesting, I dare say) interview in the Scriptorium with me.

I didn’t know about this great ezine, but after having roamed through the pages, I think it’s one of the best around. I immediately subscribed to it. If you’re a writer, aspiring or otherwise, this is an ezine you should definitely add to your reading collection.

Subscribe to the Scriptorium.

I found a great site that lists many clichés, in alphabetical order: http://www.suspense.net/whitefish/cliche.htm. As any self-respecting writer, I’ve been chasing them out of my prose, but they have a way of sneaking in when you don’t pay attention. Why? Because they’re easy, descriptive, and understood by everybody. That’s why they’ve become clichés.

I guess I’m into lists these days. Here is the list of the books most borrowed in U. S. Librairies, for 1 February 2007. Now, you’ll say, how can they predict that? Well, most librairies have a reserve system, so they will look at who has requested the books during that week. So we’re talking about borrowed books, not books read. Still, the list is quite different than the best sellers lists in the previous post.

1. The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, by Kim Edwards
2. Cross, by James Patterson
3. Candy Licker: An Urban Erotic Tale, by Noire Noire
4. Eragon, by Christopher Paolini
5. Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, by See, Lisa
6. The Collectors, by Baldacci, David
7. Echo Park, by Connelly, Michael
8. Dear John Nicholas Sparks
9. Wild Fire, by DeMille, Nelson.
10. Eldest by Christopher Paolini
11. Getting’ Buck Wild: Sex Chronicles II, by Zane Zane Atria
12. The Devil Wears Prada, by Lauren Weisberger
13. Judge & Jury, by James Patterson and Andrew Gross
14. Skyscraper, by Zane Zane Atria
15. Nature Girl, by Hiaasen, Carl