Daily Archives: April 22, 2006

The Laws of Probability

These were sent to me in French by Maurice, my FIL, so you’ll have to bear the mistakes in the translation. Nevertheless, they are funny –and true– enough to warrant an entry here.

  • The Banana Principle: Every person buying green bananas will eat them before they are ripe. Every person buying ripe bananas will forget them and let them rot
  • The Bedmate Law: The one who snores always falls asleep first.
  • Ruby’s Principle:The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you’re with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
  • Pardo’s First Postulate: The good things in life are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
  • Murphy’s Constant: Objects get damaged in proportion of their value.
  • Gumperson’s Law: The probability of an event happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
  • Atwood’s Fourteenth Corollary: A lent book is never lost unless one wants it returned.
  • Boob’s Law: Whatever the object, it will always be found in the last place one looked.
  • Law of Selective Gravity:>: Anywhere aroung the globe, a slice of bread will always fall on the buttered side.
  • Johnson’s First Law: Any mechanical failure will always happen at the worst moment.
  • Fett’s Law: Never attempt to repeat a successful experience.
  • Maryann’s Law: Don’t look, you’ll find.
  • Self Serve’s Law: The last portion of the dish you want will be taken by the person in line just in front of you.
  • Zenone’s Observation: The other line always goes faster.
  • O’Brien’s Variation on Zenone’s Observation: If you switch lines, the one you just left will become the fastest.
  • Flugg’s Rule: The more urgent the reason you are in line for, the slower will the clerk be.
  • Wittens’s Law: Right after you clipped your nails, you realize you need them for something.
  • Walter’s Law: The tendency for cigarette or BBQ smoke to go towards a particular person is proportional to that person’s sensitivity to it.
  • Roger’s Law: Always right after the flight attendant served coffee, the plane enters a zone of turbulence.
  • Davis’s Explanation: Coffee is the principal cause of turbulence.
  • Young’s Fifth Law: To err is human, but to really screw things up, add a computer.
  • Moses’s Law: It’s always when you don’t watch that a goal is scored.
  • Hadley’s Law on the Purchase of Clothes: If you like the clothes, they don’t have the right size. If they have your size, they don’t suit you. If they have your size and they suit you, they’re too expensive. If they have your size, they suit you, and you can afford them, the first time you wear them, you spill something on them.
  • Postulate of Parking:It’s only after you’ve parked your car two kilometers away that four spaces become free right beside the door.
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