June 5th, 2009 . .
Categorized under: Commentary, Fiction Friday, Writing

Fiction Friday>> Nine Lives

[Fiction] Friday Challenge for June 5th, 2009:

“Don’t sit there,” she commanded. “That’s the cat’s chair.”

“Let’s talk about this,” I said. “We’ll sit down, reason it out.” I backed slowly toward the living room, my eyes glued to hers, my hands away from my body to show I didn’t mean any harm. I could see her entire body trembling, in fear or anger I wasn’t sure. She’d bitten her lower lip so hard it was bleeding.

She followed me, the gun in her hand wobbling so hard there was no way could she shoot straight. I saw that as my only chance. In the living room, I made to sit down.

“Don’t sit there, she commanded, her voice tremulous. “That’s the cat’s chair.” She gestured at the fireplace with the gun. “Go stand there.”

I obeyed, still keeping my eyes on her. Something crinkled under my feet. I looked down. A large plastic sheet -industrial grade-lay on the floor. My head rose to her face so fast I nearly got whiplash.

Her eyes were clear, she had a slight smile on her face. Her hand was steady as she pointed the gun at my chest. “Vulnerability is such a nifty tool,” she murmured.

Oh, shit, I thought, just before she pulled the trigger.

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Comments

  1. I like it, to the point, descriptive without too much, and interesting. Raises alot of questions…who are they? Why does she want to shoot him? She seems scared but is it a front?


    Uncle Tee
    June 5th, 2009

  2. This packs a punch MD! I love stopping by every week for you flash fiction. I have to control myself from scrolling down too fast so as not to spoil the ending.

    Industrial grade plastic sheeting – she was prepped! I would love to know what he had done.

    You empathise with both the characters – despite the fact one of them is brandishing a fun.

    This week I’ve got installment #3 of the Hartog Series and thanks for you comments on twitter the past few days. hartog seems to be a character who is here for a reason, rather than a season. I picture him sticking around for quite a while actually – though he evades me for the most part. Did Jack play similar games with you? And yes famous last words about what genre I do and don’t write in!

    http://jodicleghorn.blogspot.com/2009/06/fiction-friday-rain.html


    Jodi Cleghorn
    June 5th, 2009

  3. Less is definitely more! I like the way you set the scene, but the realisation hits home when the plastic sheet comes in to play. Leaves you wondering what happens either side of this scene. Good one.


    Al McKillop
    June 5th, 2009

  4. I really enjoyed this story. I love the pace and economy of words. Thank you for sharing.


    vanessa
    June 5th, 2009

  5. Short and not too sweet! You packed a whole adventure into a few lines and I loved it!


    rosey pinkerton
    June 5th, 2009

  6. I liked this. It seemed to build tension and a sense of dread really quickly.


    Benjamin Solah
    June 5th, 2009

  7. Great building of tension where the reader jumps into assume one thing and not till the plastic on the floor do you realize she is a cold blooded murderer. I Love popping over here! keep posting – you bring a wonderful fullness to the entries each week.

    other visitors can see my entry on

    http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/06/prompt-include-this-line-in-your-story.html


    Annie
    June 6th, 2009

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About Me

I was born in Montreal, Quebec (that’s in Canada, folks) but was raised in a small Quebec Laurentians town called Mont-Laurier. I didn’t stay there long, though, and studied and lived in Montreal, Ottawa and Halifax, where I obtained my Masters Degree in Psychology from Saint Mary’s University.Throughout the years, I’ve been a housekeeper, ...